Tuesday, September 4, 2007

It's 3:49 am here in Miami...

and I just can't sleep. I have a whirlwind of stuff in my head and I rather surf the web or watch TV, instead of tossing and turning in a dark bedroom.

When we moved to the US almost 5 years ago, it really was a dream come true for us. My hubs got transfered by the company he was with at the time, and we were over the moon.
I was finally pregnant again, we were so excited to come live here and start a new life and family... Just peachy all over.

A few months ago hubby lost his job, completely out of the blue and under very bad circumstances. It has been really hard for us, but our families have been incredibly supportive, so we've been able to get by all these months.

But, the new job just isn't coming and we very well might have to leave in March, if nothing comes along by then.

I have been living in a silent terror ever since the threat of having to go back to Mexico, became more and more real.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my Mexico, but it's just not a good place to live in anymore. The crime rate is insane and my life as I know it here would be over.
You cannot do many of the things you do here in the US freely and without fear, and I just can't think of having to bring Natalia into that, when all she's known is peace and a normal, happy and safe childhood.

We were robbed and held up many times during our years in Mexico and I lived in absolute fear over there most of the time.
After the last time my passenger window got smashed into pieces with me in the car during a red light, I just hadn't been able to function normally anymore, until I came to Miami.

To top it all off, I might have to leave my little apartment that I love so much, to move into another place with a roommate. I am NOT happy. Really, NOT.

I had been praying so hard for a while, asking for this situation to get resolved, but I'm just so tired. I don't have the will or the faith to do it anymore. I feel completely helpless and my hands are tied.

I debated a lot about posting this or not, but I do consider you all my friends and I had to vent.
I love happy posts full of pics and cheery cool stuff, but I just don't have one in me right now.

Thanks for lending and ear (or an eye).

I am sad and tired...

35 comments:

tessa'en said...

so sad to hear this. Hope for you that you get to stay in USA. The life you describe in Mexico sounds very hard! I can't even imagine how this would be since I've been living in Norway my whole life. Big hug hope every things go well in the end!!

Kelly said...

I hope something amazing comes along for you. I guess we all take it for granted - our safe and happy lives. I can't even begin to imagine how fearful you must be. Hang in there - something good will come. I just know it!
Thinking of you,

Kelly

RiNNE said...

Anilu...my thoughts and prayers are with you! I hope everything works out and that you don't have to leave. *BIG HUG*

Sylvie said...

Anilu, I hope something great comes along and you get to stay in the US. I had no idea life in Mexico is as you described. One of my best friends is Mexican and used to live in Mexico City. I'm sending you my best wishes from afar, hoping your problems get resolved somehow, that you husband gets a great new job in the US. Hugs.

Vee said...

Anilu I hopt everything works out. I will say a prayer for you and your family.

Nicole said...

oh, Anilu...my heart goes out to you.

i can't even imagine half of what you're describing, and hope that it all works out in the end...love you.

Anart Island Studio said...

Anilu....I hope your situation will get better soon!!! I hope you will be to stay...Mexico sounds quite frightening the way you describe it, and I can understand this in not where you want to live and raise your kids...!!! Wish you all the best!
Hugs!!

jess said...

Im sending you all my positive vibes and i hope that everything will turn out okay and that you will be able to stay in the states!!! Stay Positive!!!
Xx JEss

Martha Bonneau said...

Sending lots of ((((hugs))) and positive puggy vibes your way...things always have a way of working themselves out when you least expect it.

Ady said...

So sorry to hear that you are going through this. I can only imagine your fears. I will pray for you and your family for your DH to get an amazing job so that you can stay here especially now that we have created such an amazing group of friends. Sending you a ton of {Hugs}.

Anonymous said...

Anilu, my heart aches for you!
Just know that I am praying for you and your family. Stay positive! Jenn

Trish said...

I love you Anilu. Keep the faith. You are in my prayers! ((HUGS))

idanasi said...

I'm so sad to hear that Anilu.
I will be praying for you and your family.

Monica said...

oh anilu..i had no idea! ((((hugs))))
i can just imagine the stress that must be bringing on you and your dh. i'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Sarah (aka monroegirl) said...

Anilu - I truly hope that everything works out for you! Try to stay positive and keep smiling!

Natalie said...

I had no idea! That is such a scary situation, but I am sure everything will work itself out. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Vanessa, Florida, USA said...

We love you girlie, and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! I know that something amazing will happen and that you will be OK. Have faith! Don't give up, OK? HUGS!!!!!!!!!!

bwgayoso said...

Anilu, I don't even want to think of the posibility of you leaving! Stay positive my friend. Hugs to you.

Peggy Severins said...

Oh I am so sorry to hear this. Hope your husband will soon find another job. Hang in there and stay positive!

Tina said...

Anilu, my thoughts are with you! This must be such a trying time for you! I pray this all works out!

Balou said...

Ay, Anilu... I'm so so sorry you have to go through this, my friend. I don't even want to imagine you having to leave Miami. I'm going to pray for you and Juan so hard!

{{hugs and kisses}}

***Paola*** said...

Oh Anilu, I'm so sorry to hear about your hubby's job! I truly hope he finds something and you are able to stay on in Florida. I live in Mexico City and nothing like that has ever happened to me (or my loved ones) and we have a great life here, but it sounds like your experience was very different from ours... I'll keep my fingers crossed for you guys, great big hugs to you...

Noelia said...

Anilu I had no idea you were struggling :(
My heart breaks for you because I know what you mean by wanting the best for your little girl but not been able to do much about your situation. Things will get better even if now you seem to be stuck in a bad place. I'll pray for you and if there's anything I can do to help, please know that you can count on me. Hugs to you, Natalia and Juan.

sohpiasmom said...

So sorry to hear about all of this! I will be saying a little prayer for you and your family! Hope you're feeling a little better tomorrow. :)

steph said...

I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through right now.
You just never know what people are going through. You seem so happy and I would never guess that you were going through such a hard time.
I had no idea how bad Mexico could be. I completely understand wanting to raise your children in a safe place.
I wish you the best.

Anna M-W said...

Honey! I am praying for you and your family. I would be sad if you had to leave! Keep your spirits up and know that we all love you!

Elisabeth said...

Oh my heart goes out to you in this difficult time! You and your family will be in my thoughts..I truly hope everything works out well for you!

cindy said...

Anilu, i lurk on your blog, but i really wanted to send you my prayers & blessings to your family in luck in your dh finding a new job. it's sad to have to live in fear, no matter where you live. so i am hoping that you will not have to move out of the US next year. i'll be keeping you & your family in my thoughts & prayers!!!! don't give up & don't stop praying!!!

Nicole Carro said...

Hi Anilu - found your blog from Vee and Breanne and I started reading as I used to live in Miami. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. You seem like such a sweet person - good things will come your way soon.

Eminepala said...

Aw honey... How awful... I will pray for you and your family... I really hope he will find a job so you all can stay there safe and sound...

Keep your heap up sweetie... Everything will work out... And keep us updated

xoxo
Emine

Anonymous said...

Life is not only about the happy times; it's a mixture of the good and bad...so keep the faith! I know something will come along for you and your husband. What kind of work does he do?? Could you move from Miami to another U.S. city for a job instead of going back to Mexico?? Please keep us posted...because we care. ~Cathy

Tamara Nicole said...

Hun I'm so sorry! I can't imagine what the stress would be like, especially when your children are involved. I'm a firm believer that things will work out how they should, and that everything has a purpose and happens for a reason. Soetimes things areout of our control. I wish you the best and you are in my prayers!!!

Barb said...

Anilu, this breaks my heart and lends me some much needed perspective about what really is important in life.

Here's to believing that good things happen to good people and that the future holds happiness and safety for you and your family.

Greta said...

{{{{{big huge tight hugs to you}}}}}}}}}}} and everything will work out and he will find a job soon and you will be able to stay in the US. I am praying and sending you and your family good vibes....

xoxo
g

Gigi said...

oh sweetie! i had no idea!! ugh! i wish i had room here for you!!! & definitely count on my prayers for you & your precious family...definitely :)

i can just imagine your stress...but i have hope that God will provide...somehow..someway...He always does :) & we will keep praying

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